A day in the park

One week here and 4 official days alone.
This has been one hard transition, I am used to people being around 24/7. Someone to call, someone popping by for a tea etc. It is strange to be so alone in a city full of people.

The thing I fear most is being alone in a public place; sitting in a park alone without my earphones to distract me is unbearable. I have never made it 20 mins alone in a public place without anything to hide behind.

Today’s goal: Go to the park across the street and sit without ipod, without earphones for as long as I can…..

I did IT! I enjoyed the sun; there was a wiener dog contest and show going on at the dog park/run. There were little puppies everywhere, in costume with funny names like Oliver or Salami! Think about all I would have missed out on if I put my headphones in, the random French people on the phone, the girls talking about their new roommates. I just realized the world is beautiful and less scary unplugged.

I think its easier to hide behind our headphones, be anti social and safe in our little bubbles of comfort. Though I think it really separates us, we walk with our heads down and get caught up in our own world. We feel less connected to each other and community that surrounds us.

I want to declare that I lasted 5 hours! I enjoyed myself… I laid in the sun and drew, and read and EVEN practiced POI spinning in public! The fear of performing an act or dance in public as practice with no intended audience is terrifying. Will people stare or laugh? What will they think I’m doing? What will they think of me? All fears…. Now what I realized when doing this was: most people were intrigued or didn’t care. A man sitting on the statue applauded me when I got things right and when my moves really became smoother. I learned how to transition from one move to the next today… He clapped and laughed along with my mistakes.. A random stranger.. A little girl stopped to watch! As the balls kept spinning I lost myself in my work and forgot all the fear! I laughed at my mistakes; I talked to my balls that didn’t want to fly anymore. I became one with my work. Guess what?? It wasn’t scary I will probably go back tomorrow and spin more… And lay in the grass and draw more! And read next to a tree and people watch and bask in the wonder I missed out on. All because I was scared to be alone…

Little things like this affect more then just me… Being alone is scary, its being vulnerable, its being uncomfortable and its nerve wracking… the first time. Soon you will realize everyone is alone, and no one has a protection shield around him or her. It is ok to sit and bask in the sun on a warm day; no one is going to judge you. It is ok to lay and draw and paint in a park. No one cares.

The lesson of today… People care a lot more about themselves then they do you.