Fear is a hard thing to tackle when you need to be vulnerable and open with the one you love most. The reason I think we fear being open with the ones we love about things that we fear might upset them: is because we fear losing them. We fear hurting the ones we love, being judged negatively and being abandoned.
These are the people closest to you: the ones you hold in the center of your heart that no matter what you expect to be there to help you through and you would do anything for likewise.
It is hard to talk to you lover about fears you have, about things that you fear in the bedroom, about comfort levels etc. It leaves room for judgment, it leaves room for pain, hurt and disappointment.
Its these things that matter most though and the more you avoid them for fear of hurting them the more you might actually hurt them. It is better to be honest about how your feeling and if your with the right person they will help you work through it or allow you to work through it without judgment. Sometimes simple understand is what you need. You don't know if they will understand unless you talk about it.
I love my girlfriend with all my heart, and I honestly would never do anything to hurt her. I hold her as a precious object and I have issues of fear and control I need to work through. It was scary to talk through and try to make an understanding. I know I am with the right person because she is allowing me the room to do all this. I mean she encouraged me to move here (upon threat of leaving me lol to force me to actually go through with it!), she encourages my days out alone, my striving for new experiences like going on on stage at last nights open mic! Which was exhilarating by the way!! Next week i wanna perform Adele's black and gold! But back to the point she is allowing me to live and grow independently. She knows she has my heart and i want to be with her for the rest of my days. But i also need to gain control of the pain, the hurt, the fear that runs my life. Its fine the be positive about it, but I have made the choice not to lay and suffer in it any longer..
It takes someone that really loves you to watch your grow independently and not worry of me growing away from her. I love her with all my heart and I find that all these experiences are making me appreciate her more, and love her more not for the parts of her I have seen before but for the potential person I can see her becoming.
Love is a strange thing, but when you are honest and open and understanding love grows to levels unimaginable!
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