Beware of the power of creation, if you manifest you can destroy.
Fear is something I am no longer letting run my life, and yes I have destroyed my paradise in the process.
Sometimes things need to burn in order to make new beginnings, or heal and mend old wounds. Be aware that you can create and manifest perfection.
It also means you have the power to destroy that perfection.
I have seen the downside of fear, and conquering it has set my life a flame.
I only hope for karma to be kind, and for life to show me a new path.
To be honest I felt stuck, and limited once you tackle your worst fear you see before you infinite possibilities.
I felt stifled, even if she understood she did not allow me the proper space and freedom I needed.
Fear has a nasty side... Freedom!! You don't know what you wish for until its there, and then what?
Now is the what..
We will see what this brings.
I cannot take responsibility for every emotion another person has. I love but I do not expect to be your guardian, your protector from yourself. That its not me.
I fear nothing n hope for the best.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
resetting your synapse
One little point I want to write about while I hope time.
Re-setting your synapses in the brain: it's conditioning your thought process when you think of something that causes you fear.
I was taught recently that when I flash back: or panic because of fear I think of a picture of the response how that response feels. Or when was the last time i felt like it, or the memory of the trauma. I picture it front of me like a hollogram, i focus on it make it smaller and smaller and darker until its far from me until my heart beat relaxes and until it dissapears.
This is great for restructing ur thoughts but what about bodily responses, I have a hard time with panic attacks and my body reacts to triggers I am no conciously aware of. What then?? I was walked through and excersize where when i panic, I try and reassociate what the trigger was to what just happened. As in pain, but what caused the pain? It wasnt that tragic event from my past it was something in my present. Which could also bring me pleasure, So i ground the feeling not from the past memory but I try and reassociate the pain to the pleasure response of the passing moment. Therefore anytime i now feel that sort of pain, it doesnt bring back to memory of pain, it then brings back the pleaure aspect of the pain. There pain becomes pleasure.
You can do this with fear: parents bothering you? Their words are hurting but instead of picturing their hurt in the memory you change the floating memory in front of you to have your parents speak like clowns or cartoon characters. Now you have re-associated your fear and hurt into laughter and hilarity.
Any memory can be handled the same way.
Re-setting your synapses in the brain: it's conditioning your thought process when you think of something that causes you fear.
I was taught recently that when I flash back: or panic because of fear I think of a picture of the response how that response feels. Or when was the last time i felt like it, or the memory of the trauma. I picture it front of me like a hollogram, i focus on it make it smaller and smaller and darker until its far from me until my heart beat relaxes and until it dissapears.
This is great for restructing ur thoughts but what about bodily responses, I have a hard time with panic attacks and my body reacts to triggers I am no conciously aware of. What then?? I was walked through and excersize where when i panic, I try and reassociate what the trigger was to what just happened. As in pain, but what caused the pain? It wasnt that tragic event from my past it was something in my present. Which could also bring me pleasure, So i ground the feeling not from the past memory but I try and reassociate the pain to the pleasure response of the passing moment. Therefore anytime i now feel that sort of pain, it doesnt bring back to memory of pain, it then brings back the pleaure aspect of the pain. There pain becomes pleasure.
You can do this with fear: parents bothering you? Their words are hurting but instead of picturing their hurt in the memory you change the floating memory in front of you to have your parents speak like clowns or cartoon characters. Now you have re-associated your fear and hurt into laughter and hilarity.
Any memory can be handled the same way.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
being honest with the ones you love...
Fear is a hard thing to tackle when you need to be vulnerable and open with the one you love most. The reason I think we fear being open with the ones we love about things that we fear might upset them: is because we fear losing them. We fear hurting the ones we love, being judged negatively and being abandoned.
These are the people closest to you: the ones you hold in the center of your heart that no matter what you expect to be there to help you through and you would do anything for likewise.
It is hard to talk to you lover about fears you have, about things that you fear in the bedroom, about comfort levels etc. It leaves room for judgment, it leaves room for pain, hurt and disappointment.
Its these things that matter most though and the more you avoid them for fear of hurting them the more you might actually hurt them. It is better to be honest about how your feeling and if your with the right person they will help you work through it or allow you to work through it without judgment. Sometimes simple understand is what you need. You don't know if they will understand unless you talk about it.
I love my girlfriend with all my heart, and I honestly would never do anything to hurt her. I hold her as a precious object and I have issues of fear and control I need to work through. It was scary to talk through and try to make an understanding. I know I am with the right person because she is allowing me the room to do all this. I mean she encouraged me to move here (upon threat of leaving me lol to force me to actually go through with it!), she encourages my days out alone, my striving for new experiences like going on on stage at last nights open mic! Which was exhilarating by the way!! Next week i wanna perform Adele's black and gold! But back to the point she is allowing me to live and grow independently. She knows she has my heart and i want to be with her for the rest of my days. But i also need to gain control of the pain, the hurt, the fear that runs my life. Its fine the be positive about it, but I have made the choice not to lay and suffer in it any longer..
It takes someone that really loves you to watch your grow independently and not worry of me growing away from her. I love her with all my heart and I find that all these experiences are making me appreciate her more, and love her more not for the parts of her I have seen before but for the potential person I can see her becoming.
Love is a strange thing, but when you are honest and open and understanding love grows to levels unimaginable!
These are the people closest to you: the ones you hold in the center of your heart that no matter what you expect to be there to help you through and you would do anything for likewise.
It is hard to talk to you lover about fears you have, about things that you fear in the bedroom, about comfort levels etc. It leaves room for judgment, it leaves room for pain, hurt and disappointment.
Its these things that matter most though and the more you avoid them for fear of hurting them the more you might actually hurt them. It is better to be honest about how your feeling and if your with the right person they will help you work through it or allow you to work through it without judgment. Sometimes simple understand is what you need. You don't know if they will understand unless you talk about it.
I love my girlfriend with all my heart, and I honestly would never do anything to hurt her. I hold her as a precious object and I have issues of fear and control I need to work through. It was scary to talk through and try to make an understanding. I know I am with the right person because she is allowing me the room to do all this. I mean she encouraged me to move here (upon threat of leaving me lol to force me to actually go through with it!), she encourages my days out alone, my striving for new experiences like going on on stage at last nights open mic! Which was exhilarating by the way!! Next week i wanna perform Adele's black and gold! But back to the point she is allowing me to live and grow independently. She knows she has my heart and i want to be with her for the rest of my days. But i also need to gain control of the pain, the hurt, the fear that runs my life. Its fine the be positive about it, but I have made the choice not to lay and suffer in it any longer..
It takes someone that really loves you to watch your grow independently and not worry of me growing away from her. I love her with all my heart and I find that all these experiences are making me appreciate her more, and love her more not for the parts of her I have seen before but for the potential person I can see her becoming.
Love is a strange thing, but when you are honest and open and understanding love grows to levels unimaginable!
Monday, September 19, 2011
Accepting what you don't know
Sorry I haven't posted in a couple of days.. I have been horribly under the weather!
Scary things I have done over the past couple of days:
Going out to a club when I did not feel like it. I mean it was my birthday after all so yes I didn't have a great time. Clubbing isn't really my thing unless its a dark rave or goth/ metal club. But spending time with my sister was worth it. But note to self men are gross and keep them away! I do not find men attractive and I wish I had a stick.. But alas my sister is an amazing dancer.
Another scary thing I did was accept what I didn't know at work! I mean I don't know everything, I know a lot but there are things I don't know. It is ok to ask or simply be told by my boss to read the back lol. I actually love my job it makes me learn and keeps me motivated. It is important to ask! I mean you can give people the wrong advice and wrong information can do a lot of harm. It is important to keep this is mind. When you don't know ask.
Another large stride I have been making is: Stop self doubting, stop projecting my insecurities on others. It is hard when you feel vulnerable and alone but it is important not to project those fears on others. This means don't back away from a situation because you feel like they don't like you/ are bored etc. It is important to hold that fear inside you and wait it out. You have to stand there and think there is a reason why they are there or they wouldn't be spending time with you.
I have to continue to remind myself that not everyone judges me or looks down on me. I am an amazing person and have real joy and gifts to share with the world.
I think people need to read that every morning!!!
Don't be afraid of your own shadow!
AM
Scary things I have done over the past couple of days:
Going out to a club when I did not feel like it. I mean it was my birthday after all so yes I didn't have a great time. Clubbing isn't really my thing unless its a dark rave or goth/ metal club. But spending time with my sister was worth it. But note to self men are gross and keep them away! I do not find men attractive and I wish I had a stick.. But alas my sister is an amazing dancer.
Another scary thing I did was accept what I didn't know at work! I mean I don't know everything, I know a lot but there are things I don't know. It is ok to ask or simply be told by my boss to read the back lol. I actually love my job it makes me learn and keeps me motivated. It is important to ask! I mean you can give people the wrong advice and wrong information can do a lot of harm. It is important to keep this is mind. When you don't know ask.
Another large stride I have been making is: Stop self doubting, stop projecting my insecurities on others. It is hard when you feel vulnerable and alone but it is important not to project those fears on others. This means don't back away from a situation because you feel like they don't like you/ are bored etc. It is important to hold that fear inside you and wait it out. You have to stand there and think there is a reason why they are there or they wouldn't be spending time with you.
I have to continue to remind myself that not everyone judges me or looks down on me. I am an amazing person and have real joy and gifts to share with the world.
I think people need to read that every morning!!!
Don't be afraid of your own shadow!
AM
Thursday, September 15, 2011
New things aren't scary in the right shoes!
I started my new job today! I love it, the atmosphere and the new duties. I was so apprehensive today starting: worried I wouldn't be able to perform. I wouldn't know enough.
The things a wise gypsy women taught me is... Walk like you know what your doing and it will all come to you. Today I walked in legs shaking and I acted like a gypsy witch and I was one. Things I didn't think i knew came to me, I found things using my psychic abilities and it was easy!
My boss is awesome!! I find things to do and I love what I do there, I really help people and I feel like I am making a difference!!
I was afraid i was going to fail but I imagined doing well and I did.
The key a friend I slowly teaching me is manifest, just change it. Just do it, your mind has more power then you ever thought possible and if you simply think differently your world will change.
I sometimes wish i could be so skilled. I will learn.
I simply have to look in the fear and change it from fear to excitement, change the cognition to change the behavior. Fear is nothing but negative excited, I am going to try my best and turn it positive. Positively excited about my new job! New friends who are teaching me so much already!
Another day of work tomorrow.. and Hypnosis synopsis
The things a wise gypsy women taught me is... Walk like you know what your doing and it will all come to you. Today I walked in legs shaking and I acted like a gypsy witch and I was one. Things I didn't think i knew came to me, I found things using my psychic abilities and it was easy!
My boss is awesome!! I find things to do and I love what I do there, I really help people and I feel like I am making a difference!!
I was afraid i was going to fail but I imagined doing well and I did.
The key a friend I slowly teaching me is manifest, just change it. Just do it, your mind has more power then you ever thought possible and if you simply think differently your world will change.
I sometimes wish i could be so skilled. I will learn.
I simply have to look in the fear and change it from fear to excitement, change the cognition to change the behavior. Fear is nothing but negative excited, I am going to try my best and turn it positive. Positively excited about my new job! New friends who are teaching me so much already!
Another day of work tomorrow.. and Hypnosis synopsis
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Hello?? Is anyone out there?
Day five: Hi is your best friend
It never hurts to say HI! That is my lesson: HI is a very powerful word.
It can connect you to another person, make them smile, reach out to their lonely existence. It is remarkable what one word can do.
I used it twice today!!
I met Matthew the Shiastu man, I walked into work and was looking for supplies because well I needed to do some sort of magick tonight. So I needed a new 7 day candle and some new incense, and maybe new faery offerings. I was looking around I said HI to the other wanderer in the shop and proceeded on my way.
After finding my supplies and my intuition finally at peace, I asked if I could stick around and wait for my manager, I took two santaria books off the shelf and found a chair and there was wandering guy. Who said hello! I was like ok, cool I can talk to strangers so I sat down and made small talk. He introduced himself and explained he worked there doing shiatsu. We chatted I told him I was psychic, I mean it’s a magick shop if I can’t come out of the psychic closet here where can I right? He discussed my control issue and out of nowhere proceeded to help me. He made me visualize a switch or a dial rather and try turning it with my mind. It worked; I mean I stopped reading him and everyone in the shop. We talked about our cities and where we came from, where we traveled to etc. It was two hours later and time flew by, I never had a conversation with someone I barely knew that was so revealing, so intriguing and so easy. It felt like a therapy session but instead of leaving angry and confused, I left happy and light. Connecting with another person made me feel better.
I liked him, A man, I liked his company. I enjoyed our banter and I didn’t want to throw him into a brick wall. He even joked about Emilie! Like whoa you get my jokes? And banter along with me? I was in shock. Needless to say I am enjoying talking to strangers. The anxiety about what they think, if they are mocking you all disappears because I don’t care. It was a one time thing, if next Tuesday we work together awesome! If not oh well. It was nice. Shiastu man your cool in my books.
Now to make friends in my college! Yikes!
It never hurts to say HI! That is my lesson: HI is a very powerful word.
It can connect you to another person, make them smile, reach out to their lonely existence. It is remarkable what one word can do.
I used it twice today!!
I met Matthew the Shiastu man, I walked into work and was looking for supplies because well I needed to do some sort of magick tonight. So I needed a new 7 day candle and some new incense, and maybe new faery offerings. I was looking around I said HI to the other wanderer in the shop and proceeded on my way.
After finding my supplies and my intuition finally at peace, I asked if I could stick around and wait for my manager, I took two santaria books off the shelf and found a chair and there was wandering guy. Who said hello! I was like ok, cool I can talk to strangers so I sat down and made small talk. He introduced himself and explained he worked there doing shiatsu. We chatted I told him I was psychic, I mean it’s a magick shop if I can’t come out of the psychic closet here where can I right? He discussed my control issue and out of nowhere proceeded to help me. He made me visualize a switch or a dial rather and try turning it with my mind. It worked; I mean I stopped reading him and everyone in the shop. We talked about our cities and where we came from, where we traveled to etc. It was two hours later and time flew by, I never had a conversation with someone I barely knew that was so revealing, so intriguing and so easy. It felt like a therapy session but instead of leaving angry and confused, I left happy and light. Connecting with another person made me feel better.
I liked him, A man, I liked his company. I enjoyed our banter and I didn’t want to throw him into a brick wall. He even joked about Emilie! Like whoa you get my jokes? And banter along with me? I was in shock. Needless to say I am enjoying talking to strangers. The anxiety about what they think, if they are mocking you all disappears because I don’t care. It was a one time thing, if next Tuesday we work together awesome! If not oh well. It was nice. Shiastu man your cool in my books.
Now to make friends in my college! Yikes!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Just check ...don't worry
Day four: The job
I got a call in class around 10 am, I was sitting in lecture panicked: It was my magick shop they’re calling me saying I don’t have the job. Oh no, I Don’t have caller ID, or voicemail. What if What if…. The thoughts ran over part of my mind until I walked out the library doors sat down on a picnic bench. I didn’t know so why was I expecting the worst!!
I sat in the sun and made a deal with fate: if someone talked to me then I would call them. I sat in the sun picked away at my muffin and “hello do you happen to have a pen?” the girl from the next table asked. DAMN that was fast! I gave her my pen pulled out my laptop sat down and DIALED.
Again panic set in, what was I doing! Ringing, I asked for Valerie she wasn’t there I explained why I was calling and they suggest I speak to Scarlet. I did and it wasn’t her who called that morning though something led me to call! I got the job!!
I GOT THE JOB!
I am now going to be working part time at a Magickal Supply shop called: Melange Magick! I am excited! When they call back with the details I must remember to thank them! I got so caught up in my psychic moment I forgot to! She was a little shocked as well which its always fun.
Alas I wait for another phone call. Waiting is always the worst part I find… Anxiety! I always prefer to get things over and done with. (This also depends on me tackling my fear as well.) Fear hasn’t let me down yet, if I don’t let it get in the way!!
I am excited.. Imagine I would still be here waiting if I didn’t call. I would probably have given up hope and be quite angry! But I am not all because I didn’t let me scare me!
<3
I got a call in class around 10 am, I was sitting in lecture panicked: It was my magick shop they’re calling me saying I don’t have the job. Oh no, I Don’t have caller ID, or voicemail. What if What if…. The thoughts ran over part of my mind until I walked out the library doors sat down on a picnic bench. I didn’t know so why was I expecting the worst!!
I sat in the sun and made a deal with fate: if someone talked to me then I would call them. I sat in the sun picked away at my muffin and “hello do you happen to have a pen?” the girl from the next table asked. DAMN that was fast! I gave her my pen pulled out my laptop sat down and DIALED.
Again panic set in, what was I doing! Ringing, I asked for Valerie she wasn’t there I explained why I was calling and they suggest I speak to Scarlet. I did and it wasn’t her who called that morning though something led me to call! I got the job!!
I GOT THE JOB!
I am now going to be working part time at a Magickal Supply shop called: Melange Magick! I am excited! When they call back with the details I must remember to thank them! I got so caught up in my psychic moment I forgot to! She was a little shocked as well which its always fun.
Alas I wait for another phone call. Waiting is always the worst part I find… Anxiety! I always prefer to get things over and done with. (This also depends on me tackling my fear as well.) Fear hasn’t let me down yet, if I don’t let it get in the way!!
I am excited.. Imagine I would still be here waiting if I didn’t call. I would probably have given up hope and be quite angry! But I am not all because I didn’t let me scare me!
<3
Monday, September 12, 2011
How forget about the what ifs....
Sunday the goal: Budget
Honestly my worst fear and running out of money, and with this new move all the expenses sitting on a credit card waiting to be paid off, no job and loan waiting to be approved. I am more then just a little stressed to say the least.
Being faced with only kraft dinner and ramen in your cupboard you have to face reality that you need food. To buy food you need to have money and it forced me to sit down and budget.
I am sorry but I am used to having some sort of safety net, aren’t we all? I mean the reason some people don’t make moves like these are because of the fear of lack of funds. Being faced with this presenting problem I had to act, sit down figure out how much I would need for rent, and bills for the next two months. My just in case fund- in case the loan get delayed, potential jobs fall through I had to make the money I had left count.
I sat there, heart pounding empty stomach, and though. How much can I live on, how much do I need. I picked up my calculator (iphone app of course) and crunched the numbers. It wasn’t as scary as I thought. If I simple save and only buy what’s necessary I can do this. I transferred my spending money into my chequing account and proceeded to the store. My heart raced, I walked through the park and breathed and grounded myself. I can do this, why do I have the need to starve but have money in my bank just in case. I would rather be unhealthy and unhappy but save money for a rainy day. It was then I swallowed all the butterflies in my gut and decided: TODAY I was going to buy food! I wasn’t going to buy kd and ramen and soup… I wasn’t going to starve myself. I walked in and painfully spent 50$ which is more then I thought possible. I bought things to make meals and prepared myself for the upcoming week. I walked out and felt proud that I was going to get this job on Monday and if not my loan will come. I will continue to hand our resumes if I have to. I am not going to starve to be safe.
That was my main fear… NO money… I tackled that.. Seems simple to you who have steady income… but this is scary and new for me… Isn’t it always hard to live on the edge, to live without a safety net! To not save for that rainy day. Its always scary when you have nothing to fall back on. But it always makes you work harder.
Honestly my worst fear and running out of money, and with this new move all the expenses sitting on a credit card waiting to be paid off, no job and loan waiting to be approved. I am more then just a little stressed to say the least.
Being faced with only kraft dinner and ramen in your cupboard you have to face reality that you need food. To buy food you need to have money and it forced me to sit down and budget.
I am sorry but I am used to having some sort of safety net, aren’t we all? I mean the reason some people don’t make moves like these are because of the fear of lack of funds. Being faced with this presenting problem I had to act, sit down figure out how much I would need for rent, and bills for the next two months. My just in case fund- in case the loan get delayed, potential jobs fall through I had to make the money I had left count.
I sat there, heart pounding empty stomach, and though. How much can I live on, how much do I need. I picked up my calculator (iphone app of course) and crunched the numbers. It wasn’t as scary as I thought. If I simple save and only buy what’s necessary I can do this. I transferred my spending money into my chequing account and proceeded to the store. My heart raced, I walked through the park and breathed and grounded myself. I can do this, why do I have the need to starve but have money in my bank just in case. I would rather be unhealthy and unhappy but save money for a rainy day. It was then I swallowed all the butterflies in my gut and decided: TODAY I was going to buy food! I wasn’t going to buy kd and ramen and soup… I wasn’t going to starve myself. I walked in and painfully spent 50$ which is more then I thought possible. I bought things to make meals and prepared myself for the upcoming week. I walked out and felt proud that I was going to get this job on Monday and if not my loan will come. I will continue to hand our resumes if I have to. I am not going to starve to be safe.
That was my main fear… NO money… I tackled that.. Seems simple to you who have steady income… but this is scary and new for me… Isn’t it always hard to live on the edge, to live without a safety net! To not save for that rainy day. Its always scary when you have nothing to fall back on. But it always makes you work harder.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
A day in the park
One week here and 4 official days alone.
This has been one hard transition, I am used to people being around 24/7. Someone to call, someone popping by for a tea etc. It is strange to be so alone in a city full of people.
The thing I fear most is being alone in a public place; sitting in a park alone without my earphones to distract me is unbearable. I have never made it 20 mins alone in a public place without anything to hide behind.
Today’s goal: Go to the park across the street and sit without ipod, without earphones for as long as I can…..
I did IT! I enjoyed the sun; there was a wiener dog contest and show going on at the dog park/run. There were little puppies everywhere, in costume with funny names like Oliver or Salami! Think about all I would have missed out on if I put my headphones in, the random French people on the phone, the girls talking about their new roommates. I just realized the world is beautiful and less scary unplugged.
I think its easier to hide behind our headphones, be anti social and safe in our little bubbles of comfort. Though I think it really separates us, we walk with our heads down and get caught up in our own world. We feel less connected to each other and community that surrounds us.
I want to declare that I lasted 5 hours! I enjoyed myself… I laid in the sun and drew, and read and EVEN practiced POI spinning in public! The fear of performing an act or dance in public as practice with no intended audience is terrifying. Will people stare or laugh? What will they think I’m doing? What will they think of me? All fears…. Now what I realized when doing this was: most people were intrigued or didn’t care. A man sitting on the statue applauded me when I got things right and when my moves really became smoother. I learned how to transition from one move to the next today… He clapped and laughed along with my mistakes.. A random stranger.. A little girl stopped to watch! As the balls kept spinning I lost myself in my work and forgot all the fear! I laughed at my mistakes; I talked to my balls that didn’t want to fly anymore. I became one with my work. Guess what?? It wasn’t scary I will probably go back tomorrow and spin more… And lay in the grass and draw more! And read next to a tree and people watch and bask in the wonder I missed out on. All because I was scared to be alone…
Little things like this affect more then just me… Being alone is scary, its being vulnerable, its being uncomfortable and its nerve wracking… the first time. Soon you will realize everyone is alone, and no one has a protection shield around him or her. It is ok to sit and bask in the sun on a warm day; no one is going to judge you. It is ok to lay and draw and paint in a park. No one cares.
The lesson of today… People care a lot more about themselves then they do you.
This has been one hard transition, I am used to people being around 24/7. Someone to call, someone popping by for a tea etc. It is strange to be so alone in a city full of people.
The thing I fear most is being alone in a public place; sitting in a park alone without my earphones to distract me is unbearable. I have never made it 20 mins alone in a public place without anything to hide behind.
Today’s goal: Go to the park across the street and sit without ipod, without earphones for as long as I can…..
I did IT! I enjoyed the sun; there was a wiener dog contest and show going on at the dog park/run. There were little puppies everywhere, in costume with funny names like Oliver or Salami! Think about all I would have missed out on if I put my headphones in, the random French people on the phone, the girls talking about their new roommates. I just realized the world is beautiful and less scary unplugged.
I think its easier to hide behind our headphones, be anti social and safe in our little bubbles of comfort. Though I think it really separates us, we walk with our heads down and get caught up in our own world. We feel less connected to each other and community that surrounds us.
I want to declare that I lasted 5 hours! I enjoyed myself… I laid in the sun and drew, and read and EVEN practiced POI spinning in public! The fear of performing an act or dance in public as practice with no intended audience is terrifying. Will people stare or laugh? What will they think I’m doing? What will they think of me? All fears…. Now what I realized when doing this was: most people were intrigued or didn’t care. A man sitting on the statue applauded me when I got things right and when my moves really became smoother. I learned how to transition from one move to the next today… He clapped and laughed along with my mistakes.. A random stranger.. A little girl stopped to watch! As the balls kept spinning I lost myself in my work and forgot all the fear! I laughed at my mistakes; I talked to my balls that didn’t want to fly anymore. I became one with my work. Guess what?? It wasn’t scary I will probably go back tomorrow and spin more… And lay in the grass and draw more! And read next to a tree and people watch and bask in the wonder I missed out on. All because I was scared to be alone…
Little things like this affect more then just me… Being alone is scary, its being vulnerable, its being uncomfortable and its nerve wracking… the first time. Soon you will realize everyone is alone, and no one has a protection shield around him or her. It is ok to sit and bask in the sun on a warm day; no one is going to judge you. It is ok to lay and draw and paint in a park. No one cares.
The lesson of today… People care a lot more about themselves then they do you.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
I find that when you make a change in your life, it is erratic. Not every scenario can you be prepared for no matter how hard you plan.
It is the miracle we call life, we learn to deal with things the best we can with whatever tools that are built into our bodies. Some of us are stronger then others and have different ways to cope.
I always find that throwing myself into change is the best way to force coping. It is the best way to develop or use the tools we are given. No it is not the more efficient way nor the most logical and profound way. Though I argue that when we force change upon ourselves, we forget the fear that held us back and we start the journey to living up to our true potential. We forget the fear; once we learn there is nothing to be afraid of these small steps into fearful lands of change become larger and bolder. Conditioning ourselves to be better people for ourselves, in turn making us happier, healthier beings.
It is fear that holds us back in life, whether it be fear of failure, rejection, pain it is these fears that interfere with our life. The life we are meant to live. Fear can force us into an unhealthy but safe relationship that makes us unhappy, but we are too fearful to be alone and find happiness for ourselves elsewhere. It can be in the form of fearing failure that keeps us in a career or job that does not satisfy us again creating unhappiness in our lives. It could be we are too fearful for those around us that we hurt and close opportunities off from ourselves because we don’t want to hurt others. Sacrifice is all around us for safety, security, and comfort. Though what we must understand is yes those are valuable things in life, but they are not life itself. We are meant to live, change, grow and be happy. If we are not happy in life we cannot love each other, our lovers, our jobs, our children and ourselves. What is the purpose of life without love? Some may argue duty and honor, but that is a hollow life. Fear is the center of unhappiness, it is the center of our malaise as a society. Fear is what is holding us back from greatness.
I believe if we had nothing to fear, we would be a more successful and happier society. We used to be, until 2011 until shock and fear were the only method the government and media used to control the society. It is a way of controlling us, of boxing us in cages that we stay in willingly.
It is a time for change, a time for lightness and a time for happiness for betterment for betterment sake. No it will not be safe, and no it will not be comfortable. On the otherside of the battle will be greatness, peace and a better world. The period of hardship will be small if we as a society shed these fear ideals and let potential take us.
It sounds like a hippie, non-educated rant. As a psychology student you cannot help but see gaps in the system, in society in general. If only we could make you all see this one at a time, but we fight the media bombardment etc. Its as if we cure and addict: then send him back in society with pushers waiting at the door. It is an uphill battle to make people risk, lose and gain in other ways besides monetary security and balanced checkbooks. It takes a lot to allow yourself to fall. It also takes a world to end its rigidity and begin becoming softer to cushion the fall for those who jump.
THIS BLOG : WIll be a day to day challange. I will do one thing a day that scares me. I will go out of my way to make my life uncomfortable so we all may become a little more comfortable. Its an experiment of the toughest proportions.
I meet this challenge with open arms.. I have made a lot of changes in my life. I am living in a new city not knowing anyone at all. I am living alone for the first time, going to a school where i know no one. This is gonna be a year but I'd love to take you along with me and show you how scary life ISN'T if you just don't have fear.
Lets do this together!
Ameara
It is the miracle we call life, we learn to deal with things the best we can with whatever tools that are built into our bodies. Some of us are stronger then others and have different ways to cope.
I always find that throwing myself into change is the best way to force coping. It is the best way to develop or use the tools we are given. No it is not the more efficient way nor the most logical and profound way. Though I argue that when we force change upon ourselves, we forget the fear that held us back and we start the journey to living up to our true potential. We forget the fear; once we learn there is nothing to be afraid of these small steps into fearful lands of change become larger and bolder. Conditioning ourselves to be better people for ourselves, in turn making us happier, healthier beings.
It is fear that holds us back in life, whether it be fear of failure, rejection, pain it is these fears that interfere with our life. The life we are meant to live. Fear can force us into an unhealthy but safe relationship that makes us unhappy, but we are too fearful to be alone and find happiness for ourselves elsewhere. It can be in the form of fearing failure that keeps us in a career or job that does not satisfy us again creating unhappiness in our lives. It could be we are too fearful for those around us that we hurt and close opportunities off from ourselves because we don’t want to hurt others. Sacrifice is all around us for safety, security, and comfort. Though what we must understand is yes those are valuable things in life, but they are not life itself. We are meant to live, change, grow and be happy. If we are not happy in life we cannot love each other, our lovers, our jobs, our children and ourselves. What is the purpose of life without love? Some may argue duty and honor, but that is a hollow life. Fear is the center of unhappiness, it is the center of our malaise as a society. Fear is what is holding us back from greatness.
I believe if we had nothing to fear, we would be a more successful and happier society. We used to be, until 2011 until shock and fear were the only method the government and media used to control the society. It is a way of controlling us, of boxing us in cages that we stay in willingly.
It is a time for change, a time for lightness and a time for happiness for betterment for betterment sake. No it will not be safe, and no it will not be comfortable. On the otherside of the battle will be greatness, peace and a better world. The period of hardship will be small if we as a society shed these fear ideals and let potential take us.
It sounds like a hippie, non-educated rant. As a psychology student you cannot help but see gaps in the system, in society in general. If only we could make you all see this one at a time, but we fight the media bombardment etc. Its as if we cure and addict: then send him back in society with pushers waiting at the door. It is an uphill battle to make people risk, lose and gain in other ways besides monetary security and balanced checkbooks. It takes a lot to allow yourself to fall. It also takes a world to end its rigidity and begin becoming softer to cushion the fall for those who jump.
THIS BLOG : WIll be a day to day challange. I will do one thing a day that scares me. I will go out of my way to make my life uncomfortable so we all may become a little more comfortable. Its an experiment of the toughest proportions.
I meet this challenge with open arms.. I have made a lot of changes in my life. I am living in a new city not knowing anyone at all. I am living alone for the first time, going to a school where i know no one. This is gonna be a year but I'd love to take you along with me and show you how scary life ISN'T if you just don't have fear.
Lets do this together!
Ameara
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