Relinquishing Control

Relinquishing control ...

I am used to have a plan then a back up plan, I am not used to having to put trust in anyone .. I carry my phone, purse with me everywhere .. Bus pass keys etc in case I feel like bolting when I am uncomfortable. I never let someone have control of that... I always try to keep control of where I am and when I am comfortable ..

Last night I left it at home I had money n that's it .. No phone no keys no bus pass no safety net .. I trusted someone not leave me in an unknown place with unknown people .. I let someone to control if n when I could leave ...

I had a panic attack not gonna lie . Being alone in a place with people I didn't know . I tried making comparisons to people I found comforting it helped but I was scared, shitless actually ..

The awkwardness made me wanna run away n hide, but he had the control and I let him ... I guess that's progress..

Fear is something that ruins and runs my life both! But I'm doing it! I'm relinquishing control and trying so hard to let it flow ..

In other relationships as well I'm trying not to dig my claws in an become possessive or obsessed . I am trying to let the other person have control and just flow with no expectation .

I don't want to own anything or control anything anymore... It's exhausting ...
Now to just let karma flow and allow my life to unfold when it's in my hands is going to be challenging ...

Well see how well I fair in this ...
Wish me luck and hope I don't go insane in the process

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